Bossy Hormones

I spent last week feeling sort of blue and down on myself for no reason at all. Or at least, I couldn’t see the reason while I was in it.

I had a lot of stress, anxiety, self-doubt, and low energy that aren’t typical for me. I do have a lot going on in my life right now: I’m living alone for the first time…ever. I don’t have a “real job” (by choice). I’ve somewhat turbulently decided to go back to grad school - something I’ve been saying was off the table for years. I’m starting a new business and putting myself out there in ways that make me feel insecure. Everything is up in the air, but I’ve had years of living “up in the air.” Why was last week so hard? I have a theory.

I’ll start with how I responded to this wacky energy. I gave myself grace and space. This is a learned habit for me. I’m a nose-to-the-grindstone personality and if I am not “getting enough done” I often add to the struggle by tearing myself down.

This time, I tried to acknowledge my body’s communication. I usually take a “negative symptom” as a request to shake things up. Do something different. This can be food, rest, exercise, personal space, companionship, etc. It takes time to develop an understanding of what your body is asking for. Many times, I still get it wrong. Last week though, I did alright. I packed myself up (not hard, since the van is always road-ready) and I drove to the-land-of-no-service, a beautiful national forest campground, Sherando Lake.

Benny and the van at Sherando Lake Campground

The quiet time, walks and biking in nature, sleeping in and not caring, and yoga by the campfire, gave me a clarity I couldn’t find when pushing too hard. I’m tired! I have good reasons to be tired. We’re not meant to go hard all day every day, and vanlife adds a layer of decision fatigue and insecurity that’s difficult to explain. When I’m in peak condition, I can tackle all of this no problem! But it isn’t fair to expect myself to always be in peak condition and to juggle this crazy life with no hiccups.

Soon, I felt my energy and my confidence coming back. My anxiety melted away. My desire to lay around and mope faded. What caused this drastic turn around? Was it honoring my body’s request for more rest? I’m sure it helped, but I have another thought: My cycle.

Feeling more like myself, being a goof in the sunshine

In recent years, I’ve had an extremely predictable cycle, and it doesn’t just affect me during “PMS” time. Right after my period, I often feel open, energized, and enthusiastic. I feel confident and I dress differently. This mood usually lasts through ovulation. After ovulation is typical PMS week, and I get the standard symptoms of irritability and chocolate / ice cream cravings. My husband would describe it more fully, I’m sure.

I also feel more tired, less open to experience, and lazy. I very intentionally put that word in italics, because that is my perception of what happens, and perception and how we describe ourselves matters. Isn’t it better to say my body is going through a natural cycle and isn’t up to as much right now? I do a lot - we ALL do a lot. Our modern lifestyles demand it of us. Most of us are running circles around our ancestors, who would have seen a slower-paced life as normal. It might be time to change our perception and give ourselves some grace.

Once I realized my low-energy / moodiness / insecurity was related to my cycle, I felt so much relief. I could step away from the problem and let it pass naturally. I waited for my normal self to come back and she did. This blog is a reminder to honor your natural cycle and your body’s signals. It’s okay to feel less energy sometimes. We aren’t the same human every week of our lives. There is always something going on below the surface, and if knowing that helps you cut yourself slack, I’m here for it. If you are on any type of diet or exercise regimen, some days are not going to feel the same, that doesn’t mean you aren’t succeeding or doing well. Don’t let your moods discourage your ultimate purpose.

If your energy is lower than usual, there’s probably a physical reason unrelated to “I’m lazy.” Your body is very smart and controls your activity via your hormones. If it’s telling you to tone it down, that’s okay! You’ll kill it next week. Listening to your body’s signals allows it to rest, heal, fight infection, etc. Taking it easy is something our modern culture has pushed aside in favor of a “no pain, no gain” mentality. Personally, I prefer to avoid illness and injury, so I’ll stick to listening to my body’s cues.

Bonus: Don’t forget to get out in the sun! Vitamin D production starts pretty quickly. There’s a reason the sun feels good to us and makes us happy. We need it!